Back to school

I am feeling a little down today. I could be making a little money in the very near future, so you may think I would be excited... but I am not.

I went to a job interview today, for part-time work at a really cute children's clothing boutique. Since I have been out of work for so long, nobody else seemed to want me, so, retail it is. They were looking for moms, their hours are very flexible, and require no evening shifts. It seems pretty easy and fun.  But... I don't want to do this forever. Actually, I don't want to do this at all.

Today is one of those days where I stop and ask myself, "What do I want to do with my life?". It most definitely isn't retail. I hate retail, in fact. The only reason why I seem to be stuck in it is due to my past nomadic and spontaneous lifestyle, which was great at the time with plenty of wonderful memories, but I am really paying for it now. The only jobs I ever had have been either in retail, or some kind of office or executive assistant setting. And I hate doing it.

Jason and I have moved 11 times in the 12 years we have been together. And these moves were not all just hopping from town to town in the same state -- but across the country, and back. A few times. The longest we stayed in one place was just over 2 years. Yes, it has been very hectic.  Very fun and exciting, but very hectic. When we lived in New York for a while, we were actually pretty stable, loved our jobs, made good money, I started community college, Jason finished his Bachelor's, and we moved again when I was about a semester or two away from graduation and getting my Associates. I would find a great job, we would get bored, and then move. Needless to say, I never got the oppurtunity to move up or get a promotion; we were always on to the next.

Well, 2 kids later, I am still where I left off and not getting any younger. We are here to stay, no more big moves. It is so relieving yet scary at the same time. Here I am, almost 30, and what the hell did I do with my life so far? Okay, I have been all over the country, met some wonderful people, experienced a lot of things, have 2 beautiful children -- yet, I still feel unfulfilled. Where is the me in all of this?

I am going back to school. I am not 100% sure what I am going to do at this point, but something with health and the human body. I have always been interested in the human body; When I was a child I used to read the encyclopedias my parents had lying around about biology and health.  I used to look over all the medical drawings showing the muscles and circulatory system, and I would love to watch the surgical shows on Discovery Health Channel. And, well, you all know how interesting I find birth. I figure, why sit behind a desk in a cubicle 5 days a week or fold sweaters and ring out customers, when I find something else so interesting, and always have.

At this point, I am leaning towards midwifery (big surprise there, I bet) and thinking about becoming a CNM.  I have even thought about medical school. I am not sure. What I am sure about is I am heading back and I am not stopping until I have a title after my name. Whatever that may be.

Baby fever

It seems like so many people I know, both in real life and on the internet, are pregnant and due around the same time. My best friend is pregnant with her first (squee!) and due March 8th, my sister's best friend, also pregnant with her first, is due April 11th. A cyber buddy, Gina (a.ka. The Feminist Breeder) is pregnant with her third and due in or around April, too. Oh, and then there's the various other people I "know" on various message boards and forums I am a part of. All preggers.

At the moment, I don't want to get a huge belly, get fat, get even more tired than I already am, barf my brains out for 6 weeks, or go through labor anytime soon. I also don't want to sleep worse than I am already or go through the hell of an almost guaranteed over-supply issue again. But, still, it really makes me want #3. Soon.

It really isn't the best time, though. We are in the midst of trying to start our own business, maybe relocating soon, job hunting, getting out of debt, not to mention just raising these 2 little handfuls right now.

Still, that little -- okay, HUGE and loud -- biological clock is ticking. I need to keep this baby fever at bay though. In the meantime I will just live vicariously through my best friends' new and exciting first pregnancy, and eagerly wait for that beautiful new baby at the end of it all. At least this time I get to be the one on the other line, asking,"Is it time yet?" Ha ha.

10 years

Jason and I have been married for 10 years. I can't believe it's been 10 years already. When we first married, I thought by our 10th anniversary, he'd buy me a huge diamond ring and it would be this incredibly special time.

But, it was just... us. And it was still a great time.

Angel watched the kids, and we went out to eat at a very nice restaurant, had a few drinks with a fantastic dinner, went to the pier (it was a gorgeous night, too), then had coffee, and just talked. It was great, and romantic and beautiful, yet, simple.

In the words of my husband, "If the next ten years is going to be anything like the last ten, we are in for another ride of our lives."