On mothering.com, I recently posted a thread about negative birth experiences at home. Many women responded with how they felt betrayed by the natural birth and homebirth community after they told their stories--how they were swept under the rug. One woman told us her birth story was deleted! Why? Simply because she told her story, which happened to be a homebirth turned hospital transfer after a staph infection. But if it was a staph infection from the hospital, it would be posted all over the place on mothering.cult, and how outraged all would be! Of course, that thread was "reviewed" and some posts deleted. I guess they pick and choose what they want on display on their boards--I guess anything that doesn't keep the "trust birth" mentality alive and well is deleted.
I just found out they are "reviewing" another thread I started, about electing cesareans, particulary after a traumatic vaginal birth (yes, they do exist--but apparently not in mothering.cult). There was no vulgarity, no one attacking anyone else, just a thread where women shared their stories as to why they had their cesareans, full of nothing but SUPPORT.
Oh, wait. I guess mothering.cult is only about support if you have an unmedicated hospital birth, homebirth, or better yet, an unassisted birth.
I recieved a few private messages about how they don't understand why mothering.cult won't open a cesarean birthing support board, and that if you just mention the word "cesarean", it's like the moderator fairies close in on you (especially the words "elective cesarean"-- Holy shit -- then you've really done it). These women that contacted me want a cesarean support board -- they want support too, just like the unassisted birthing mother does. But, still, Mothering.cult refuses to put up a cesarean mothers board in their forum. I guess they feel a cesarean isn't "natural" enough, or birth goddess-y enough.
How supportive. Go Women. Go, you standing-up-for-women's-rights "Feminists", you.
What do they support, exactly? "Natural Family Living"? What is that, exactly? If a cesarean isn't a "natural" outcome of a difficult labor, what is? A dead baby? Is that "natural" enough? Is it "natural" for a woman to be pushed into another vaginal delivery after a previous traumatic experience, or should she be able to choose an elective cesarean? Because, as we all know, healthy mothers matter too; This means mentally, as well as physically.
I don't even know why I am still registered at mothering.cult, but I am. I am not particulary "crunchy". Actually, I don't know what I would be considered, because I don't care. I do what I like and what I feel is right for me and my family. I don't care what anyone would classify it as.
I prefer a place where no one is judged so harshy, simply because the birth of their child turned out differently than expected, or because they make different choices than you do. I am not sure where that place is, but for now, I guess I will just stick to ivillage.
Almost 30 weeks!
5 hours ago
5 comments:
You'll never find a place like that. No matter what anyone says, no one is ever right. Someone will try to make you feel bad. Someone will take it the wrong way. Someone will attack you. Someone will prove you wrong. Someone will say SOMETHING that is oppossite.
Women. *eye roll* We are quite the bunch.
Funny, I also wrote a blog post (http://bedheadbirth.com/wordpress/2010/08/boobs/)about the terrible responses I received on mothering.com about a post I wrote about my experiences as a bottle-feeding mom, about how I was treated badly in public and ostracized just like breastfeeding moms can be. There is also nowhere for "bottle-feeders" to go for support! I have found myself spending much more time on diaperswappers.com where they DO have a formula feeding support board- it is much more balanced over there, I think.
Nikki, you might find what you're looking for at fearlessformulafeeder.blogspot.com. It's a wonderful blog run by a level-headed and charming lady.
i found, after having a traumatic homebirth resulting in a severe birth injury for my son, that my story is one that no one wants to hear (apart from other moms w/ brachial plexus kids)... why?... because it proves that you can do all the "right" things and birth is still unpredictable. that is just too hard to hear for some people.
the natural birthing community is tricky and after some bad experiences, this is only the 2nd time i've posted on a birth blog in the last 3 years... i learned birth is no longer my fight, my son and his injury is... it's c-sections for me now and to have to defend my decision is just too painful.
seek a listening ear from a true friend instead.
Thank you! It gets tiring dealing with the birth godesses there who claim nothing bad ever happens. If you say anything they don't like (like sharing studies or talking about your dead baby), they delete it.
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