Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Finally sent a letter to my OBGYN

Finally, 7 months after my daughter passed through my "tiny" pelvis, I wrote a letter to my old OBGYN. The one that said my 8 lb. 7 oz son was just "too big" for me, and I was just "too small". The one that induced me barely one week after my due date, and it wasn't until I got my medical records that I realized I was an unfavorable candidate for induction.

I was barely a fingertip dilated, barely effaced, Mason still high. I wonder if she knew it would fail... maybe she didn't care.

It felt so good to mail this letter out. I wish I could hand it to her personally.

Dear Dr. K,
On January 4th  2007, I was in an operating room giving birth to my son because I was labeled as FTP after an induction and as having CPD.
We spoke on the phone later that year. I wanted to speak to you in more detail about the induction and cesarean since I was planning on having a VBAC the next time around. When I asked you if you thought I would be successful if I attempted a VBAC, your answer was, “Honestly, no”, because “if the baby isn’t coming out--the baby isn’t coming out”. Your words, not mine.
When I asked you if it was possible the induction or my son’s position could have lead to the cesarean, you told me, “We know how to get women into labor”. Again, your words, not mine.
So, it wasn’t the unnecessary induction (even with a horrible Bishop’s Score--but maybe you don’t know since you never assessed me… at least you never told me) or being stuck in bed with a posterior baby or not being given enough time or support or encouragement…
No--my son was just “too big” for me; my pelvis simply “too small”.
I just wanted to let you know that six months ago, my beautiful daughter--who was larger than my son--passed through my “small pelvis”.  She was born at home, surrounded by family and a very supportive care provider that believed in me.
Those words you said to me stayed with me for a long time because even though I was just another patient to you, you were speaking about my body, my babies, my reproductive future.
I now feel confident saying the decision you made to proceed with a cesarean section was wrong. My cesarean was unnecessary.  Not only did my son take on the risks of a needless induction turned cesarean delivery,  but I had major abdominal surgery that could have been avoided.
I did not fail at my VBAC attempt.  I did it. You were wrong about me, just as you are probably wrong about other women you see in your practice.  I hope you think about that next time you have a woman in front of you asking about the possibility of a VBAC, or a woman who you think is carrying a baby “too big” for her to push out .
A diagnosis of CPD is something that affects real people--it should not be a term thrown around just because a labor is going too slow for your liking,  or by glancing at a “petite” woman.  I hope that with hearing my story,  next time you won’t be so quick to call CPD or FTP and therefore avoid another unnecessary cesarean.

Sincerely,
Michele De Mont

10 comments:

Danielle said...

Bravo! I wish I had the balls to write a letter to the evil OB who sectioned me the first time around.

Mrs.M said...

Perfect. :)

Kristin said...

Go you! That is awesome.

Angel said...

you should feel so proud you sen that. -Amazing-

Andrea said...

Good for you, mama! My 2 year old was born to c-section for breech positioning. My OB told me I should not have a VBAC for reasons I believed were not a crisis. I went against him and told him I wanted a trial of labor which he said was okay, only if before my due date. I luckily went into labor 3 days before my EDD and had a successful hospital VBAC. If we decide on a third child, I hope to have a HBAC as well.

Rachael said...

Yes! Perfect! I wish more women would write such candid letters to their former scare providers.

Marisa said...

You rock, mama! Congrats on your wonderful vbac, and the guts you had to call your OB out.

The Current Lemming said...

Wow What a story! I dont have kids yet but it is shocking to hear some of the trials and tribulations of others - Im proud that you stood up to yours in this letter!

LIL MAMA said...

WOW!!
I applaud you!!

i had 1 c-section, then an emergency vaginal birth.
after that one, i was pregnant 2 more times and i begged for vaginal birth, and as much as it saddened me, they didnt let me and i didnt know how to stand up for my self.

now because of that, i almost lost my last baby due to uterine rupture, and was told i can not have any more children because my uterus will rupture and we will not make it.
as much as i cried, they did not release me from the hospital until i consented to having my tubes tied :(
i think its awesome that you have the power to speak up!

eMily eLiZaBeTh said...

just found your blog.
you crack me up, im glad you have shared your experiences.