Sunday, November 30, 2008
Today was Mason's first time hanging out in the snow. Unfortunately, it turned to rain shortly after. :(
Mason loves to look at himself in the camera and make silly faces. This is from today's session.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
LOL just had to sneak this one in here.
Right before we left
I just had to post this one...this just sums up of how we felt after a long day of Mason who is getting over a cold.....and still facing a 2 hour drive home. Look at Jason's face.
The hostess cleaning up after a long day. Nice sweats.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
...dead, mutilated babies. The same gestational age as your precious baby.
I just googled "fetus 19 weeks" to see what my little girl looked like at this stage, and I thought to myself, as I have come across many abortion photos by accident, "well, 19 weeks is getting pretty late--there won't be so much..".
Um, no. In fact, the first fucking photo is a nice, big, full color photo of an aborted baby, from a saline abortion. Still attached to placenta and umbilical cord. So....that's what my precious girl looks like--A fully formed BABY. This was a baby--they didn't look like a lump of flesh with a tail--but oh my god....he/she had a little face and hands and feet and HAIR....a baby....
Then I just happened to see a 24 week fetus that was aborted because of...a cleft lip. Yes. A cleft lip. Talk about perfectionists. (Now how is that even legal? How is that the health of the mother?) Absolutely disgusting. Yep-your body, but I don't have to think you're a wonderful person.
Okay, it's not my body, not my baby (and never ever will be), but fucking holy hell--HOW?! How can you? I cried so hard for those little babies. It breaks my heart to know that those little human beings were not wanted....and to be thrown out like trash.....I just don't understand it.
I don't want to take anyone's right away. It's their body. Still, I don't have to "understand" or agree, or want to agree. It still sickens me, and saddens me....and angers me. My best friend had an abortion about 4 years ago----and I supported her. Afterwards she told me it was the worst experience of her life and would never do it again. When she met my son years later, she still brought it up--how old would they be? A boy or a girl?
My babies will be safe. They will always be wanted. They will never be the random, gruesome pictures that show up on google search. Never.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I am annoyed because I just knew this pregnancy was so much harder than the one with Mason. I now realize how lucky I was....that pregnancy was so fucking easy. This time, I just felt something was different. It was much harder from the beginning, so of course there has to be SOMETHING that is making me question a safe homebirth. I know that the placenta will resolve itself, they usually do, but still--why??!!! There just had to be something, right? I really wanted to leave that midwife practice and stay with Joni, but now I feel I need to stay with them until I get that second ultrasound in about a month. I need to have it for my piece of mine. Dammit.
I was told about 95% of women with marginal placenta previa will have no problem later in pregnancy--it will just resolve itself, but that 5% will not. Ugh. More numbers to think about- .5% rupture risk, and 5% chance my previa could complicate things up for a homebirth. I don't want a hospital VBAC with all the bells and whistles, and I sure as hell don't want a cesarean.
I know everything is probably okay, I just needed to vent, that's all.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The doc did say I have a very marginal previa. He said it was just about 2 mm away from the "safe point", that marginal previas resolve themselves over time and do not loose any sleep about it. He told me if I see any spotting, to just call to be sure. Hopefully I won't see any spotting, though. I will be a nervous wreck. I never bled with Mason, and not with this one (so far). I am not really worried about it though, but it is in the back of my mind.
Okay, time to pick girl names, and try to resist the urge to go bankrupt buying every cute baby girl outfit there is!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
A Bishop's Score refers to a group of measurements used to determine whether a woman may have a successful vaginal delivery and whether labor ought to be induced. Bishop's Score is based on station, dilation, effacement, position and consistency.
Here is a basic chart:
Score Dilatation Effacement Station Position Consistency
0 closed 0 – 30% -3 posterior firm
1 1-2 cm 40 -50% -2 mid-position moderately firm
2 3-4 cm 60 -70% -1,0 anterior soft
3 5+ cm 80+% +1,+2
A point is added to the score for each of the following:
Each prior vaginal delivery
A point is subtracted from the score for:
Premature or prolonged rupture of membranes
These are the cesarean rates for each group:
cesarean rates: first time mothers women with past vaginal deliveries
scores of 0 – 3: 45% 7.7%
scores of 4 - 6: 10% 3.9%
scores of 7 - 10: 1.4% .9%
It's been almost 2 years since Mason's arrival, and I still come across things now and then that upset me. Sometimes it's things like this where I find out, after the fact, that my induction was most likely going to fail. Though I know I am responsible, my doctor also had a responsibility which I feel she did not meet.
If you are reading this and have never heard of a Bishop's score, and you are pregnant or plan to be...do yourself a favor and do not forget it. Especially if you are approaching your magical expiration date--oops, I meant to say "due date"--and doc is throwing the induction card at you. Ask them about your Bishop's score.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The fantasy of waiting until the birth sounds awesome, and a part of me wants to do just that. On the other hand, an even bigger part of me is an impatient beast and I would drive myself crazy. There is no way I could lay there as I saw my baby on the screen and say,"No thanks, doc". when they ask if we want to find out.
I really don't care what the sex is. I just want to know WHAT is it! I am dying to know! Monday cannot come fast enough!
I am also feeling more movement! It is still light, but I know 100% it is the baby. I was just laying on the couch (I swear, I am not permanently glued there...) and I felt them kick me, I then laid my hand over the spot, and felt them kick my hand! Such an amazing thing.....I want to savor every moment.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My blood was boiling by the time I finished reading her post. I sent her info and some great links. Luckily she has a family member who is pretty educated in this subject, and is helping her try to avoid the knife.
I can't believe Maternity "care" in this country. It is appalling. This poor woman is only 28 weeks, and her doc is already trying to scare her with the "big baby" card. Anyways, it is not impossible to vaginally birth a 10 lb. baby. It's not a fucking Oldsmobile. It's a baby, who may be 10 lbs----hell, it may be even more. Even ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) states that a cesarean section for a baby suspected to be under 11 lbs. is not justifiable. And that's ACOG!
I told her to do her research, and ask her doc for his. Demand to see it. Then she should show him ACOG's stance on the matter.
Not all obstetricians are bad. I am not anti-medical establishment, or anti-cesarean. I am anti-bullshit. I am anti-uninformed consent. I am anti-defensive medicine. *sigh* I just hate reading things like that, I hate knowing that this goes on every day. I used to be ignorant about everything birth related. I had no idea that not all doctors and midwives have you or your baby's best interests at heart. They are protecting their asses. In other words, they could give a shit about yours.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
I also added a gender guessing poll for the hell of it.
These pregnancy dreams have been very weird, and disturbing this time around. The last few nights in a row where I have been able to remember my dreams, I woke up upset and found it hard to go back to sleep.
I dreamt about Jason dying one night, then about aliens shooting fire down on earth from their spaceships, then just last night, I had a horrible dream where I lost my baby at 16 weeks. She was a little girl. I was just walking, and I felt something poking my flesh. I looked down to see a hand pushing out on my belly from the inside--a perfect teeny tiny hand print, I could see all 5 fingers. Then, suddenly, the hand withdrew, and I actually felt my baby dying. It's hard to explain, but I felt the body going limp. It was horrible. I don't remember giving birth in my dream, but I do remember holding my baby girl after birth...so tiny. I kept saying,"It was the girl I've always wanted.." Ugh. What a fucking awful dream. I hope that was the last of those.
Our level 2 ultrasound in scheduled for November 24th. We are planning on not finding out the sex this time. I really think it will be amazing to push out my baby, and announce the sex (we will tell our midwife that we do not want anyone to announce the sex except us). Then again, as the ultrasound date is nearing, I find myself tempted to just find out, or at least have the tech write down the sex for us and put it in a sealed envelope which we can open whenever or if ever we want to. I feel that maybe I would feel more 'bonded" to our baby if we knew the sex, calling he/she by their name, letting Mason say their name...I don't know.
As for names, we definitely have our boy name picked out. If we have a son, he will be named Ethan James. I think I will start a poll on my blog, for girl names. We have tons of girl names we are still considering.
Okay, time for more salad....
Friday, November 7, 2008
Time is really starting to fly! I still haven't felt any definite movement yet. There were times where I think I may have felt something--but I am still anxiously awaiting the "Oh my god! I felt the baby!" moment.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Here are a few pics before we went out.
(Pooh bear was his first victim!)
When we got home, we took a few more belly pics. Mason is starting to notice my belly. He wanted to keep touching it! (don't mind the spackled paneling behind us---can't wait until that crap is GONE! I definitely have to post some before and after photos when it's all done)