Masonry

This is how Mason acts during most of his diaper changes lately. Terrible twos, here we come.....







Today was Mason's first time hanging out in the snow. Unfortunately, it turned to rain shortly after. :(





Mason loves to look at himself in the camera and make silly faces. This is from today's session.

Thanksgiving

Just a few pics from Thanksgiving. This year we went to my sister Anne's house.


















LOL just had to sneak this one in here.














Right before we left



I just had to post this one...this just sums up of how we felt after a long day of Mason who is getting over a cold.....and still facing a 2 hour drive home. Look at Jason's face.



The hostess cleaning up after a long day. Nice sweats.

19 weeks

Fetus vs. baby

How many times, as a pregnant woman, have you googled "fetus (fill in the blank) weeks", just because you were curious to see what your beautiful growing baby looked like at that point in pregnancy? So you click on google images and you see...

...dead, mutilated babies. The same gestational age as your precious baby.

I just googled "fetus 19 weeks" to see what my little girl looked like at this stage, and I thought to myself, as I have come across many abortion photos by accident, "well, 19 weeks is getting pretty late--there won't be so much..".

Um, no. In fact, the first fucking photo is a nice, big, full color photo of an aborted baby, from a saline abortion. Still attached to placenta and umbilical cord. So....that's what my precious girl looks like--A fully formed BABY. This was a baby--they didn't look like a lump of flesh with a tail--but oh my god....he/she had a little face and hands and feet and HAIR....a baby....

Then I just happened to see a 24 week fetus that was aborted because of...a cleft lip. Yes. A cleft lip. Talk about perfectionists. (Now how is that even legal? How is that the health of the mother?) Absolutely disgusting. Yep-your body, but I don't have to think you're a wonderful person.

Okay, it's not my body, not my baby (and never ever will be), but fucking holy hell--HOW?! How can you? I cried so hard for those little babies. It breaks my heart to know that those little human beings were not wanted....and to be thrown out like trash.....I just don't understand it.

I don't want to take anyone's right away. It's their body. Still, I don't have to "understand" or agree, or want to agree. It still sickens me, and saddens me....and angers me. My best friend had an abortion about 4 years ago----and I supported her. Afterwards she told me it was the worst experience of her life and would never do it again. When she met my son years later, she still brought it up--how old would they be? A boy or a girl?

My babies will be safe. They will always be wanted. They will never be the random, gruesome pictures that show up on google search. Never.

Here she is....

One of the 3-d scans. She is smiling!



Covering her little head. She's shy. :)




Tradition profile scan!

I am on pelvic rest

One of the midwives at the birth center called me last night and left me a message about the results from the ultrasound. I called her this morning and she told me it would be safe to go on pelvic rest (no sex or "anything in the vagina") just for a few weeks until we get a second ultrasound done to be sure the previa has resolved itself.

I am annoyed because I just knew this pregnancy was so much harder than the one with Mason. I now realize how lucky I was....that pregnancy was so fucking easy. This time, I just felt something was different. It was much harder from the beginning, so of course there has to be SOMETHING that is making me question a safe homebirth. I know that the placenta will resolve itself, they usually do, but still--why??!!! There just had to be something, right? I really wanted to leave that midwife practice and stay with Joni, but now I feel I need to stay with them until I get that second ultrasound in about a month. I need to have it for my piece of mine. Dammit.

I was told about 95% of women with marginal placenta previa will have no problem later in pregnancy--it will just resolve itself, but that 5% will not. Ugh. More numbers to think about- .5% rupture risk, and 5% chance my previa could complicate things up for a homebirth. I don't want a hospital VBAC with all the bells and whistles, and I sure as hell don't want a cesarean.

I know everything is probably okay, I just needed to vent, that's all.

It's a.....

GIRL!!! I am so excited! I just knew it was a little girl. She is so much more mellow than Mason was, that's for sure. We also got to see some shots in 3-d! We have some printouts too, but I don't have them on my computer yet, so I will post them later.

The doc did say I have a very marginal previa. He said it was just about 2 mm away from the "safe point", that marginal previas resolve themselves over time and do not loose any sleep about it. He told me if I see any spotting, to just call to be sure. Hopefully I won't see any spotting, though. I will be a nervous wreck. I never bled with Mason, and not with this one (so far). I am not really worried about it though, but it is in the back of my mind.

Okay, time to pick girl names, and try to resist the urge to go bankrupt buying every cute baby girl outfit there is!

Bishop's score

This is something I had never heard of until months after Mason was born. I should have known about it before the induction of labor. Granted, I could have done more research and came across it myself, but my doctor was also supposed to assess me and see if I was a so-called favorable candidate for induction. Needless to say, when I found out what a Bishop's score actually was, and how low I would have scored on it, I was angry.


A Bishop's Score refers to a group of measurements used to determine whether a woman may have a successful vaginal delivery and whether labor ought to be induced. Bishop's Score is based on station, dilation, effacement, position and consistency.

Here is a basic chart:

Score Dilatation Effacement Station Position Consistency

0 closed 0 – 30% -3 posterior firm
1 1-2 cm 40 -50% -2 mid-position moderately firm
2 3-4 cm 60 -70% -1,0 anterior soft
3 5+ cm 80+% +1,+2

A point is added to the score for each of the following:
Preeclampsia
Each prior vaginal delivery

A point is subtracted from the score for:
Postdates pregnancy
Nulliparity
Premature or prolonged rupture of membranes
Interpretation

These are the cesarean rates for each group:

cesarean rates: first time mothers women with past vaginal deliveries

scores of 0 – 3: 45% 7.7%
scores of 4 - 6: 10% 3.9%
scores of 7 - 10: 1.4% .9%

Induction is generally attempted when a mother has a favorable Bishop's score. A mother may be given misoprostol, cytotec (Just jumping in here to say Cytotec isn't even approved by the FDA for use on pregnant women--and they still get away with this shit!) or prostaglandin gel to help ripen the cervix and improve the score. A score of five or less is said to be "unfavorable." If induction is indicated, the mother would be a candidate for a cervical ripening agent. These are usually introduced one or two nights before the planned induction. A score of eight or nine would indicate that the cervix was very ripe and induction would have a high probability of being successful.

Okay, according to this chart, my score would have been a 3, or a 4 at most. According to the cesarean chart, I would have either a 45% chance of a cesarean or 10% (that's a pretty big jump, I guess I would be somewhere in between). The paragraph below the charts also says this: A score of five or less is said to be "unfavorable." I am sure my score was much less than 5. My last prenatal appointment I was a "fingertip" dilated, Mason was still high (either -3 or -2), cervix less than 30% effaced....I mean, hello, doc? Is this a "favorable" candidate? Or do you not give a shit, knowing I will most likely get that cesarean so you can just be done with it? Why wasn't I given a cervical ripening agent? I definitely needed one. Nope, just jam the pitocin line in instead.

It's been almost 2 years since Mason's arrival, and I still come across things now and then that upset me. Sometimes it's things like this where I find out, after the fact, that my induction was most likely going to fail. Though I know I am responsible, my doctor also had a responsibility which I feel she did not meet.

If you are reading this and have never heard of a Bishop's score, and you are pregnant or plan to be...do yourself a favor and do not forget it. Especially if you are approaching your magical expiration date--oops, I meant to say "due date"--and doc is throwing the induction card at you. Ask them about your Bishop's score.

18 weeks

I caved....

I was laying on the couch yesterday, when out of the blue I realized I am going to find out the baby's gender on Monday. It just felt right. I told Jason and he agreed. Now I am over the top excited about Monday!

The fantasy of waiting until the birth sounds awesome, and a part of me wants to do just that. On the other hand, an even bigger part of me is an impatient beast and I would drive myself crazy. There is no way I could lay there as I saw my baby on the screen and say,"No thanks, doc". when they ask if we want to find out.

I really don't care what the sex is. I just want to know WHAT is it! I am dying to know! Monday cannot come fast enough!

I am also feeling more movement! It is still light, but I know 100% it is the baby. I was just laying on the couch (I swear, I am not permanently glued there...) and I felt them kick me, I then laid my hand over the spot, and felt them kick my hand! Such an amazing thing.....I want to savor every moment.

Maternity Scare

One of the ladies from the private little online TTC group that is pregnant is due in February. She is 28 weeks and posted today how her doctor is trying to push her into a c-section. Why? Well, the baby "measures" 3 weeks ahead, according to her doctor (bullshit--she was charting! She knows when she conceived!). Her doctor tells her he estimates her baby will be 10 lbs or more by 40 weeks. Wow, her doctor sure is a real genius to be able to estimate fetal weight with such accuracy. She also went on how she really doesn't want a c-section, and how she cries just thinking about it.

My blood was boiling by the time I finished reading her post. I sent her info and some great links. Luckily she has a family member who is pretty educated in this subject, and is helping her try to avoid the knife.

I can't believe Maternity "care" in this country. It is appalling. This poor woman is only 28 weeks, and her doc is already trying to scare her with the "big baby" card. Anyways, it is not impossible to vaginally birth a 10 lb. baby. It's not a fucking Oldsmobile. It's a baby, who may be 10 lbs----hell, it may be even more. Even ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) states that a cesarean section for a baby suspected to be under 11 lbs. is not justifiable. And that's ACOG!

I told her to do her research, and ask her doc for his. Demand to see it. Then she should show him ACOG's stance on the matter.

Not all obstetricians are bad. I am not anti-medical establishment, or anti-cesarean. I am anti-bullshit. I am anti-uninformed consent. I am anti-defensive medicine. *sigh* I just hate reading things like that, I hate knowing that this goes on every day. I used to be ignorant about everything birth related. I had no idea that not all doctors and midwives have you or your baby's best interests at heart. They are protecting their asses. In other words, they could give a shit about yours.

17 weeks

I am rapidly expanding!

Vote in my baby name poll!

I just added a poll to my blog at the right hand side. Since Jason and I already know what the name will be if we have a boy, we still have quite a few girl names we are considering. You can vote for as many as you'd like. Please vote for your favorites!

I also added a gender guessing poll for the hell of it.

The cravings have begun

I am so happy I can actually eat food again!!! I am hungry! Actually...I am hungry all the time. I definitely gained back the weight I lost when I was sick. The good thing about my practically unquenchable cravings is that they are for salads. Lots and lots of wonderful leafy greens. Actually, I just ate the most delicious salad: baby greens (how fitting!) with cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, tuna and chick peas. Oh...my...god...and I want some more. I hope these healthy cravings stay put for the whole 9 months.

These pregnancy dreams have been very weird, and disturbing this time around. The last few nights in a row where I have been able to remember my dreams, I woke up upset and found it hard to go back to sleep.

I dreamt about Jason dying one night, then about aliens shooting fire down on earth from their spaceships, then just last night, I had a horrible dream where I lost my baby at 16 weeks. She was a little girl. I was just walking, and I felt something poking my flesh. I looked down to see a hand pushing out on my belly from the inside--a perfect teeny tiny hand print, I could see all 5 fingers. Then, suddenly, the hand withdrew, and I actually felt my baby dying. It's hard to explain, but I felt the body going limp. It was horrible. I don't remember giving birth in my dream, but I do remember holding my baby girl after birth...so tiny. I kept saying,"It was the girl I've always wanted.." Ugh. What a fucking awful dream. I hope that was the last of those.

Our level 2 ultrasound in scheduled for November 24th. We are planning on not finding out the sex this time. I really think it will be amazing to push out my baby, and announce the sex (we will tell our midwife that we do not want anyone to announce the sex except us). Then again, as the ultrasound date is nearing, I find myself tempted to just find out, or at least have the tech write down the sex for us and put it in a sealed envelope which we can open whenever or if ever we want to. I feel that maybe I would feel more 'bonded" to our baby if we knew the sex, calling he/she by their name, letting Mason say their name...I don't know.

As for names, we definitely have our boy name picked out. If we have a son, he will be named Ethan James. I think I will start a poll on my blog, for girl names. We have tons of girl names we are still considering.

Okay, time for more salad....

16 weeks

Time is really starting to fly! I still haven't felt any definite movement yet. There were times where I think I may have felt something--but I am still anxiously awaiting the "Oh my god! I felt the baby!" moment.

Count Macula

Mason dressed up and went out Trick or Treating for the first time yesterday! We decided to go to the mall this year. He dressed up as Dracula---or as I called him "Macula". He didn't seemed bothered by his costume as I originally thought he'd be, especially because he was so cranky earlier in the day due to teething. When he was all dressed up, I couldn't get over how adorable he looked. He saw many other little kids at the mall, so that was nice, and he definitely enjoyed getting the candy!

Here are a few pics before we went out.


(Pooh bear was his first victim!)






When we got home, we took a few more belly pics. Mason is starting to notice my belly. He wanted to keep touching it! (don't mind the spackled paneling behind us---can't wait until that crap is GONE! I definitely have to post some before and after photos when it's all done)