My baby is 1....

Wow! Where has the year gone? I can't believe my little baby boy is officially a toddler!

We had his party January 5th at his Grandpa's house. I made cupcakes and we had pizza. We had a blast. He was a little freaked out and cranky at first because there were so many people there, and he is not used to that. He is used to our quiet, peaceful (boring, LOL!) home life. Then he really warmed up and had a great time, smiling, laughing and talking--well, in Masonese, anyways. ;)

When we were singing Happy Birthday, I had a huge moment of clarity. I have a son! Yes, a son! I am a Mother! He is my little boy, my little angel, my life. How did I ever live life without this precious little boy in it?

Here is my angel, enjoying his cupcake:

On to round four

So, AF showed her face today.

In a weird way, I feel somewhat...relieved. This past cycle was a long, stressful nightmare, and a part of me thought it didn't hold out much hope for a pregnancy. So, here I start with a clean slate. I am excited, and I don't know why. I have a gut feeling, this odd, peaceful feeling, that this cycle is the cycle. I don't know why, I just do. For instance, I just ordered 40 OPK's and 20 pregnancy tests today and part of me thinks I bought too much, like I won't be needing them. Hmmmm.......

Now that those cycles are long gone, I have to admit I am actually relieved I am not pregnant yet. Maybe, subconsciously, I needed time to heal from Mason's birth. I believe I have made an enormous leap forward. It was so strange, waking up on January 5th , I felt more like me again. I am reclaiming the old me, and it feels great. I am the old me, but better, and definitely wiser! I felt so much of the anger and sadness about his birth fade away. Of course, there is still some sadness, there always will be, but not like it was. I realize I needed to take that whole year to heal. I felt so much pain during the holidays, as the year was coming to an end. I didn't even realize it until now. I was numb from the pain. 2007 was hard year, in a way, I am glad it ended.

Here's to a new year, an empty slate, an open book. Cheers.

On january 3rd, 2007...

I was in a hopsital L&D ward, being induced. At this very moment in time, 7:30 PM, I was getting an epidural. Something I never wanted, something that terrified me, something that I thought I would never opt for. The pain was too much, as was the fear.

In about 3 hours, my OB would declare me broken. CPD. Then off to the OR at 11:30, Mason born, or extracted, at 12:04 AM, January 4th.

I am glad I will be asleep when 11:30 comes around. I just want this day over.

Finally

I finally O'd on CD 34! I am currently 5 DPO. I am pretty relaxed about it. I am now at that point where I realize it will happen when it happens. This is our 3rd cycle TTC, and honestly, a part of me knows it will happen soon--maybe it is even happening now!

Fingers crossed!